I have been to the doctors and sorted myself. I have to see a phyciatric nurse so think I should hae gone to the doctors before it got this far. Made a right mess of my arm. The thing is i just see red and dont realise what i'm doing till later. But at least I'm getting it sorted. Tablets are kicking in again and starting to feel better already.
Anyway gotta go to work and as scott is in Newcastle I have to drop the kids at Nicki's. so gotta go do that first. I'm off to yorkshire next weekend have some me time sort my head out. I need it.
miss u / Lisa (best m8 )
u make me sad u make me blue thats because im missin u.i miss u more than ul ever no cos u were so speical 2 those u no.its really hard and thats no lie sumtimes i could lay down and die.but because of u i no im strong thats because im all ways thinkin of u.my 1 wish is that ur here wit us but i no that will never happen,so i hope ur happy and 2 let u no ur missed and loved. love u lots lisa xx Close
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SAMANTHA HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. JUST WISHING YOU A HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRINGS TEARS TO MY EYES BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO VERY LOVED & MISSED. SAMANTHA SEND ANGEL KISSES TO YOUR FAMILY WHO MISS YOU SO MUCH. YOUR MEMORY WILL FOREVER BE TREASURED IN MY HEART. ENJOY YOUR BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN SWEETIE AND SEND YOUR LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO ARE THINKING OF YOU ON THIS DAY AND ALWAYS. LOVE & HUGS FOREVER LaRAINE MOM TO MY PRECIOUS DAUGHTER CYNTHIA
Well I think i'm doing ok. To be honest I am trying to not think bout u coz it just upsets me. I know that might be selfish of me but I am finding it so hard. I remember our converstion last time me and Scott split and how u were the only one who didnt take sides and spoke to me too. You never rowed with me (which I thought you would LOL) and u just said "no matter what u'll always be my sister -in-law and I still wanna see you and you know where I am if you need me. Love you " I wish you were here now. I think everyone thinks its ok because I left but I spent 10 years loving someone. It doesnt just go away. I havent left because I dont love him. I have left because he cant love me the way I want him to. No one is to blame but I feel I am taking al the blame. Which isnt unusual. I should have expected it. Leaving Scott has ment I have lost everything not just him. I'm not even allowed on Tiffs hen weekend because of it and I'm Matron of Honour. I just here your words over and over
"no kids no you no me christmas is shit"
Its how I feel now even if its not christmas ;-). I cry myself to sleep at night and I struggle to get up everyday. I'm on self distruct and I cant do anything about it. Sat night was bad. I came chose to joining you. But I am going to get thru this. Its made me understand how u felt and y ur not here. When me and Scott split I should have just lost him. But I lost my flat and my life in it, my friends, nicki.........whats that all about. I could understand if i had done something wrong or if he had but we have just drifted apart. Its noones fault y am I taking all the slack for it. Zoe has been great dunno what I would do without her. I'm sure u sent her back to me as my gaurdian angel LOL.
Anyway, I miss you beyond belief and I will love u forever. I really hope u and Bri are having a lil party for u up there and u are happy together
Happy Birthday x / Carlie Bailey (Neice)
Happy Birthday Auntie Sam, 37 Getting Old Now lolx Wish You was here with us still its still so hard, well left school now only got a few more exams to do. then going to collage. miss you so much today is going to be hard but ill get threw it because i kno you will be with us. give Max and Matty And Uncle Bri a Kiss from me, i stood in the kitchen last night at 12.30 and said happy birthday too you i kno you heard me because i knew you was in the kicthen with me :) see you again soon beautiful always stay with me and ill see you again soon love you forever and always and never will forget about you xxxx Close
Happy Birthday Sis / Nicki Bailey (LIL SIS ALWAYS!!!! ) Well Sis Here We Are Again 4 Ur 37th Birthday,Ur 2nd 1 In Heaven . It Seems 2 Be Gettin Harder An Harder Each Time,U Shouldn't Be Up There Celebratin Ur Birthday,U Shud Be Here Wit Us Celebratin Wit Us!!!!
Not 2 Sure How I'm Gonna Get Thro 2day Shannon Is Seein Her Counsellor 2day At School So Hopefully She Will Get Thro 2day Ok,Libby Don't Really Understand But She Always Talks About U!! She Recently Got Diagnosed Wit ADHD Which I Have Been Fightin 4 The Past 5 Years As U Kno,She's A Right Handful But I'm Kinda Used 2 Her Bein Hard Work Now!! She Goes On Her Medication In A Few Weeks So Hopefully It Will Calm Her Down A Bit. Carlie Has Left School Now,She's Gonna Be Startin College Soon Which Is A Good Thing 4 Her,Not Quite Sure How She's Gonna Get Thro 2day As U An Her Were Really Close,She Will Be A Bit Moody I Think As She Finds It REALLY Hard U Not Bein Here. Our Lil Bro Is Doin Ok,We Don't Need 2 Go Into Detail About That,He Knows I Am Here 4 Him No Matter Wat An I ALWAYS Will Be,We Have Each Other An Thats All We Need,We Get On Really Really Well An I Don't Need Family,As Long As I Got My Kids An My Lil Bro An His Kids We R Gonna Be Fine,Jus Wish U Was Here As Well But We Will All Meet Up Again Soon An Be 2gether Again. Look At Me Wafflin On!!!!
Anyway Sis,I Hope U Have A Great Birthday Up There Wit Bri,Nan,Grandad,Grandad Joe An All The Other Angels.
bad times / SCOTT
hey sis back again. the last few weeks have probably been the hardest few weeks i have ever been through and that includes the time losing you. when i lost you it was the sigle worse time of my life but at the end of the night i had my family to comfort me, dont get me wrong nicki and my friends have been great but its not the same as having the loving arms of your wife around you, telling you everything will be ok and that they love you. and now its gone. i have never been a family person, everyone knows that, but over the years having a family has just taken over my life completely and i wouldnt change that for the world but its sad that along the way scott and kirsty got left behind as individuales! i have lost the love of my life, the mother of my two beautiful childeren, my darling wife who i should have spent the rest of my life with! how can you tell someone that you love so much that you will let them go.....let them go to find what they never found in 10 years being with you?....because you love them soo much, so bad,....thats why you would let them go!! but that dont make it any easier, if anything it makes it 10 times harder!!! not knowing where they are, what they are up to, their plans, their ideas, just knowing about them. i want to ring her every day, i think about her every day, i dont want to be i cant control the way i think, the way i feel!! wish you were here, wish i could here your voice againxx love you xx miss you xx Close
Happy Birthday Sam / Kate Porter Christopher's Mum Read >>
Happy Birthday Sam / Kate Porter Christopher's Mum Close
Maybe..../ Nicki Bailey (LIL SIS ALWAYS!!!! )
Hi Sis,
Well wat can i say about wat Shannon has written 2 u???? It has torn me apart,feels like someone has got there hand inside my body an then ripped my heart into tiny pieces. She is such an amazin girl an she shouldn't have 2 feel like she does,she's an 11 year old child!!!
I hope the people that have made her feel this way sit an read this an see wat they have done 2 her!! U dyin had a BIG effect on her but it's wat has happened jus b4 u died an since u died that have affected her the most. I jus wish i had a magic wand so that i can make everything right 4 her but i can't can i. It makes me feel like i have failed her cos i can't get her wat she really wants,i do try my hardest but there's onli so much i can do.
I got 2 go now Sis cos the school have called in an emergency counsellor 2 see her 2day,i'm jus hopin it will help her,she shouldn't have 2 be dealin wit things like this at her age!!! Wen i get back i willl cum back on an tell u how it went.
Love u Sis,keep watchin down on Shannon cos i'm really worried about her.
to shannon / SCOTT
Hey shannon just read what you had to say and it makes me really sad. You are one of the sweetest, kindest and most thoughtful people i know and if amber or anyone doesnt want to be friends then they are the ones who are losing out! I know how hard things are with auntie sam and i feel like you but if ever you need to cry then thats what you should do because there is nothing wrong with crying. I have cried a 100 times and i will cry many more, so if you ever need to talk or cry just let me know and we will do it together. families are very hard but know matter what you think mums and dad aunties and uncles love you even if it dont seem like it and you arent on your own babe xx love you loads xx Close
U kno i AM ALWAYS here 2 talk 2 u whenever u need 2 talk,jus say "Mum i wanna talk" an we will go an sit down wit a cup of tea an u can tell me everything that u want 2,it's ok 2 cry,it's ok 2 be sad,but u realli need 2 tell me that u wanna talk,wen i ask if ur ok say "no i wanna talk" an thats wat we will do ok. U shud NEVER feel like u aint got anyone 2 talk 2 cos i will ALWAYS be here 4 u whenever u need it ok. I kno it's a struggle 4 u babe cos Auntie Sam an Uncle Bri aint here anymore but it's a lil bit harder 4 u coz Auntie Sam died on ur 10th B/day but u kno that she didn't mean 2 die on ur b/day,she loved u wit all her heart an she will be sittin up there on her fluffy white cloud wit Bri sayin"Shannon don't u worry bout other people,they aint worth it,so get that smile back on ur face an show em all u aint bothered"!! U so kno that she will be doin that!!! So from now on babe u take no notice of anyone else that says bad things 2 u or says nasty things cos ur a 1000 times better than any of em will ever be,at the end of the day it's their loss isn't it cos as ur teacher sed the other day 2 me in the corridor "U have a wonderful daughter Miss Bailey, she is amazing an so well behaved an mannered" but i already knew that :),let them weep over not seein wat an amazin lil girl u are,so slap that smile back on an walk wit ur head held high babe cos we're better than all of them!!!
I LOVE U
Sam
Keep an eye on everyone,u kno who i mean,Shannon has been thro so much already from them arseholes up the road but they r the ones losin out ay! Love Ya Sis always
Well,All I Can Say Is I Want You To Come Back,I Think We All Do. With Everything Thats Happening At Home And At School I Dont Think I Can Cope Any Longer.Why Does It Always Have To Be My Family That Gets Ruined? At School I Feel Left Out They All Got A Dad An There Family Aint Ruined But Mine, Well Mine Is.But What Makes It Worse Is Amber,She Thinks Im Tryin To Argue With Her But She Is The One Tryin To Argue With Me! I Really Cant Cope Auntie Sam I Need Your Help Please,I Just Need You To Come Back! Ill Give Anyone Anything To Make You Come Back,But It Wont Work! Everyone Else Seems To Be Getting On Fine But Is That Because They Dont Wanna Show It? I Dont Know. Well I Dont Talk To Anyone The Only Person I Got To Talk To Is My Mentor At School But I Only See Her Once A Week, And When I Do See Her She Is Always With Someone Else So I Cant Talk To Her. And Amber Wonders Why I Try To Cause Arguments,Its Because I Cant Cope! Its Because I Cant Talk To Anyone! I Feel Embarrsed To Cry About It All, I Feel They Will Laugh At Me And The Same Thing For Why I Cant Talk To Anyone.
?????????????/ SCOTT
hey sis, what i wouldnt give to have you here right now! got alot of what ifs going around my head and its really getting to me. how does it work?..you and brian get delt a shit hand and look what has come of that hand! me and kirsty 10 years, 3 married, 2 beautiful kids, been through some crap, not as bad as some but still... not a bad life, but still, my whole life, and we are going where you and brian are...dead!!! what is more couragous, to walk away from someone or something? or to fight for that something?? fight right? but what if you dont know what your fighting for anymore? what if your fighting for the sake of fighting, because you feel you have to? is it brave to fight or are you fighting because your scared??? scared of the next hand you might be delt, what if its not as good as the hand you are living....what if, what you have is the best its ever going to get? or have we been dealing with all this crap for long enough or too long when just around that corner is the best hand and we are missing it every time? so then is it not more couragous/ braver to fold and move on? if so why is it so hard, why does it rip at your insides so much you just want to end it all by whatever means possible?? how can you hate someone for that minute but not give them up, even if giving them up is the right thing to do???? is it the right thing to do ???? everything i do is the wrong thing, is that a sign?? i dont know!. i dont know anything anymore!!!! please help me sam, please xxxx Close
I'm fading fast. Its getting worse. I cant control it now. I shouldnt have done what I did sat but it felt good at the time. It will heal and it will scar and I doubt it will be the last time. I have to try to fight it though coz next time it wil be serious but sometimes I dont care if it is serious. I know u know how i feel. Its Y ur not here.
needing you / SCOTT (bruv)
hey sis this is the 3rd time i have trird to write to you!! you know how much i miss you at the best of times imagine what its like at the bad times!..well guess what the bad times are here and they are the badest of times. I know people say they are here for me and i have nicki who will do anything for me and i love her for that but there was just something about talking to you. Im just fed up with all this shit.........look, dont worry im not getting ito all this.....thought it would be a good idea to talk to you but i dont want it to seem like im so hard done by and stuff.......just forget it, i will just get on with it and maybe one day i will be able to tell you all about it without having to type it to you and be able to hear your voice again xxx love you so much xxx miss you so much xxx need you so much xxx one day sis xxx Close
ages/ SCOTT (bruv)
hey sis just wrote you a mssage and the stupid computer didnt work and i dont really want to write it all again, i said what i wanted too say, it doesnt matter if its not down in words. love you loads and miss you so much more xx see ya sis xxx Close
Tributes and Condolences
. It Seems 2 Be Gettin Harder An Harder Each Time,U Shouldn't Be Up There Celebratin Ur Birthday,U Shud Be Here Wit Us Celebratin Wit Us!!!!
Shannon Is Seein Her Counsellor 2day At School So Hopefully She Will Get Thro 2day Ok,Libby Don't Really Understand But She Always Talks About U!! She Recently Got Diagnosed Wit ADHD Which I Have Been Fightin 4 The Past 5 Years As U Kno,She's A Right Handful But I'm Kinda Used 2 Her Bein Hard Work Now!! She Goes On Her Medication In A Few Weeks So Hopefully It Will Calm Her Down A Bit. Carlie Has Left School Now,She's Gonna Be Startin College Soon Which Is A Good Thing 4 Her,Not Quite Sure How She's Gonna Get Thro 2day As U An Her Were Really Close,She Will Be A Bit Moody I Think As She Finds It REALLY Hard U Not Bein Here.
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